Monday, November 24, 2008

ZOMBIE HAIKU #6

Stolen Zombie Lyrics

I'm your zombie man.
I know I'm just a creature,
Brought back from the dead.

Stolen Zombie Lyrics 2

You turn to me, smile;
"You're my best zombie friend."
I won't let this end...

Fashionable

Maggot eaten clothes
Leaves and twigs and dirt and seeds
Blood-splattered hand prints

(c) Riley Ziesig 

The Living and the Dead

Rotting flesh, park bench,
Birds chirping, daisies and bees
Juxtaposition 

Rush Hour

Cars beeping, lights change,
Zombies blocking traffic; jam,
Cars beeping, lights change.

Love-Sick

Falling rose petals
Flesh is peeling, flaking off
And she loves me not. 
-Erica 

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

SHOW #8

Because we hate you, tonight we're (pretty much) only playing music from YouTube videos. Be prepared for anything. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT HE MADE MORE THAN ONE SONG

If you want to play along at home, IM us at WECB, or comment on the blog, or write on Matt or Erica's Facebook wall, or call us (if the phone works) to request some viral favorites.

We'll give you an update after the show, maybe with a special YouTubular surprise of our own.

NIGHTMARE TIME #5

Remember Grace McDaniels? Well, we're sure you're aching for more disfigured ladies, so What's the MATTer with AmERIBLOG brings you Hang Mikou:The horror! Oh, sorry, wrong picture.
That's better! Mikou, who's addicted to plastic surgery, injected cooking oil into her face in an apparent attempt to look like Jocelyn Wildenstein:
Wildenstein, in turn, was trying to emulate Clayface:
Clayface, well, he just likes KFC:
And that's how evolution works, class.
-Matt
UPDATE- It looks like the Famous Bowl just got a nose job:
Here we go again!

Monday, November 17, 2008

TRANSLATED FROM THE JAPANESE

video
A communication to prevail forthright! SuperUltraAnimalKings COMBINE!!!!!!!

Red DANGER Bird alongs Unfolding Flower Fish FLY AS ONE!!!!!!! #_#

EXCELLENCE of the majesty sir GOAT, please sir!!!!!!! ^o^

It has eye the weightful handheld shooting star... ;_;

WHAT IS UNKNOWN?!?!?!?! It would tell FERVENTLY!!!!!!!! >___>


Ah yes. We have met before, at this bar: lovely faces. v_v
-Matt

Friday, November 14, 2008

ZOMBIE HAIKU #5

A Zombie Poet

I think it's so weird,
That I am writing poems
'Cuz I don't have hands.

A Long One

I am a zombie
Nobody understands me
Maybe they can't hear...

I was so hungry
my urges overpower
I bit off your ear

So it's true that you
Couldn't hear me
I'm sorry about that.

I am a monster
At least that's what you may think
I WAS human once.

-Erica

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

OH NO IS THIS PERSONAL

In case you didn't know, my mom, one Stephanie Lurie, now works at Hyperion Books, Disney's official book publishing house. According to her, there are LCD screens mounted on every wall, each one playing WALL-E in a constant loop. Employees must take mandatory vacations to Disney World every few months and get through the doors for free. Also, the reanimated corpse of Disney himself serves them gold-encrusted Bambi steak on a plate made of Jew bones, as old Walt would have wanted.

But—oh-ho!—that is not all, dear blog reader! Indeed, there is more than meets the eye:
[via]
These scans recently popped up in a Japanese hobby magazine. My hope is that it's not a toy, but a fully-functional truck. Or at least a fully-functional mouse.

In case that's not cool enough for you:
[via]
That's my mom!
-Matt

Friday, November 7, 2008

WTMWAMTVO

That's "What's the MATTer with AmERICA Music Televison Online" or Wu-tim-wam-teevo.
Three mostly-animated videos today:
video

Thursday, November 6, 2008

SHOW #6 WRAP-UP

Boy Howdy,
Or,
The Sixth Episode of What's the MATTer With AmERICA
A One-Act Play

It's a cold November morn, but not inside the WECB studio where MATT and ERICA are hard at work, inventing "Dentist Tennis."

MATT, rubbing his brow: There! Our robot son is complete. I'll name him "Dentist Tennis."
ERICA: Cool.
M: He's also a sport! Isn't that right, sport?
DENTIST TENNIS, dentist-like: BZZT- FIFTEEN, LOVE
M: We love you too.
E: Hey, can he fix my tooth? She pulls a rat out of the back of her mouth.
M: It's worth a try! He throws it in DT's mouth
DT: TOOTH DOES NOT COMPUTH He explodes.
E: Cool.
Suddenly, MANAGEMENT opens the door and enters the studio.
MANAGEMENT: You guys are canceled.
M + E: MGMT:
All: Boy howdy!
Fin

If you missed the show, you missed:
Also, as promised:


-Us
PS- We'll get back to you on what we played.
PPS- Courtesy of the Onion:

SHOW #6

So now that the election's over, there's nothing left for you to worry about. No, none of our country's problems have actually gone away, but you're safe with the knowledge that Saviorbama will fix all of that with his multi-racial magic.

But for some reason, you're still anxious. Why? From whence comes this inescapable feeling of dread, this swarthy sea of trepidation? Was it that hobo you accidentally made skin contact with? Is is that banana you left in a suitcase last used four months ago? Are people talking about Beanie Babies again?

No!* You just don't know What's the MATTer with AmERICA tonight! Well, maybe you do (probably more than us), but you're still wondering what excuse to share embarrassingly personal stories and somewhat obscure songs Erica and Matt will give tonight. Well, tonight's theme is...

MUSIC

That's right, we're breaking new ground and doing a show during which we do a show. That draft around the back of your head? Yeah, it's because your MIND'S JUST BEEN BLOWN SUCKA
-Us (or U.S., if you want to keep doing this far-fetched pun thing, which you do; shut up, yes you do, take it like a man)

*We are not held accountable for your nebulous and profound inner fear.

Monday, November 3, 2008

OH MY STARS AND GARTERS IT'S

Alkulukuja Paskova Karhu, the Prime Number Shitting Bear!

Sometimes, when browsing the Internet, I'll open a website in a new tab and promptly forget about it. Sometimes that tab will be open all day. Sometimes I'll keep my computer's sound muted while I'm out.

But only once have I returned to my computer, turned the volume back up, and listened to the fartacular sound of endless prime number shitting for ten minutes without being able to find the culprit. Today was that one time.

Still, I can't stay mad at something so mathematical. I mean, look at those unilateral eyes. Don't you just want one of your own? What? You don't? Well, how about this:
YEAH I BET YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THE NERDY NUMBER BEAR NOW HUH

Jerks.
-Matt

ZOMBIE HAIKU #4


The Bird and the Deceased

I had an itch on
My head, I scratched, released hair
A clump in my hand

A bird landed here
Stole some hair to make a nest
Hunger consumed me

No shelter was made
But I subsided my need
Only for a sec


An Oscar Winning Song

So many choices
It's hard out here for zombies
Give me everyone

Fragile

"Guys let go of me."
This is a constant tug of war
My corpse ripped in half

Ewww

What is this liquid
Spewing from my mouth, nose
My jaw in my hand


Sunday, November 2, 2008

DO YOU FEEL UNEASY?

video

-Erica

THIS IS MY DUDE

And here's Prawn, Frouty, and Fuck That:
These are some of the lovable results possible when you turn your name into a face. The website certainly speaks for itself, but there are a couple things worth pointing out. First, the site's domain is somewhere in Germany, which, if you look at the sinister and placid expressions on these namefaces, makes a lot of sense. Second, the algorithm for determining face makeup is pretty weird. For example:

"B" is your average German alleyway thug:

"Bu" is a little older, lavenderer:

"But" apparently likes a lot of caffeine in his "t:"

"Butt" wants to vomit that extra "t":

And "Butts" is, well, a robot:
Of course. Look out for the next post: "turning your face into a name!"
-Matt

PS- I think that "Butts is a robot" is something I've always secretly wanted to write.

PPS- Speaking of Germany, did you know that Heidi Klum destroys more than the hopes of bad fashion designers?