ZOMBIE HAIKU- HAPPY HALLOWEEN #3

Making Me Mad

You are mumbling things

You are getting on my nerves

Gnawing on my neck

Genesis

God said unto thee,

"Hello there, how ya doin'?"

I said to him, "Brains."

Stake

"Let's get some tacos."

"I'm in the mood for something

of the human kind."

Drive-by

Somebody hit me

With their car, so big

My clothes caught on rim

I was dragged downtown

Until my sleeve was torn off

My corpse lay twitching

Rebirth

I died today but

I was reborn with this thought:

"That guy looks tasty."

-Erica

HEY MATT IT'S HALLOWEEN WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO

Good question, post title! Here's your answer:

My word, that is some terrifying music, almost as terrifying as this:

Happy Halloween (or -we'en, if you're Amish/pretentious/Canadian)!

-Matt

PS- We'll bbl, so nbd guys, omg

SHOW #5 PLAY-BY-PLAY LIVE

1:58- arrive in studio, sing along with "This Is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas
2:01- start show playing "Summer Hair = Forever Young" by The Academy Is, don't know if equipment is working
2:02- Erica's transformation begins, but neither of us is aware of it... yet
2:03- Erica thinks there's something wrong with Matt
2:05- there's an intense "breeze"
2:08- say "great" at the same time and leave the air silent for about three seconds OOPS
2:10- Erica realizes she didn't turn the studio microphones down, so everyone could hear us asking why we couldn't hear the music and luckily not screaming "FUCKING SHIT CUNT"
2:11- listeners actually hear "Let it Roll" by All Time Low
2:13- Matt does an awful Australian Daniel Craig impression and says some risky things about Jews
2:15- play "Shut Up and Smile" by Bowling for Soup
2:17- Erica's transformation shows no physical signs, but there's a slight odor akin to old gazpacho floating around the studio
2:19- play "The Truth Is" by The Early November
2:20- Matt realizes that he will have to start live-blogging about live-blogging and hopes that he doesn't accidentally refer to himself in the third person on air, then realizes that he'll probably do whatever he writes down so he starts making a list:

• propose to Erica
• sing a song about poverty
• tell an embarrassing truth

He'll add more to the list later, he guesses.
2:22- Matt's lucky time! (His birthday is 2/22)
2:23- Erica mouths "I love you so much that it hurts" along with the song to Matt; uncomfortable silence abounds
2:25- Matt proposes to Erica, Erica says yes, but ruins the engagement by mentioning Easter, Matt gives her the rest of the show to win his heart back
2:27- new segment: What's the Matter with America on What's the MATTer with AmERICA; we give three stories: one about Skinheads who killed 88 black people being jailed only after plotting to assassinate Obama, one fictional one about a man who killed himself in Dubai, and one about a boy in Massachussets who shot himself in the head with an uzi
2:29- Matt asks Erica "What IS the Matter with America?" her response: "Wild."
2:30- Dr. Pepper is apprently NOT a racist
2:32- play "Burn this City" by Cartel
2:34- Erica tranformation update: Matt can feel something small wrapping around his legs, he looks down and sees nothing, his thoughts go to the wandering janitor
2:36- play "Head Up" by Sugarcult
2:37- Erica finds a love note in the studio, from one vague party to another
2:38- Matt finds a love note in his heart
2:39- janitor finds a love note in a bottle of whiskey
2:41- Matt reads some of Erica's Zombie haiku
2:44- Matt actually sings/raps a song about poverty and Pop-Tarts
2:45- Matt shares an embarrassing story about freestyling
2:47- talk about the Evil Dead trilogy
2:49- play "Out of My Way" by Damone
2:51- Erica is nearly half-transformed, yet still unaware of her new body
2:52- play "Stay Out" Hit the Lights
2:54- MY GOD A WEASEL IN THE STUDIO IT'S IN OUR CLOTHES
2:55- siiiiiiiiike nah
2:56- Matt laughs without smiling
2:57- Matt makes Mario/monkey sounds
2:58- Matt does more stupid shit, probably
2:59- sing "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi, sort of
2:59- play "Endlessly Covered by Kyle Patrick
3:00 Erica realizes what she's transforming into: an egret
3:02- play "Getaways Turned Holidays" by Meg and Dia
3:03- more promises:

• speak French
• play 3 sound effects in a row
• premiere new segment: "How Do You Know You're Listening to WtMwA?"

3:05- Matt and Erica burp at the same time
3:05- decide that there's a Bizarro version of our show somewhere
3:06- French and faux-French mumblings
3:08- ways to tell you're listening to What's the Matter with America (and Matt talks about himself in the third person [he told you so!]):

• we mess up
• we talk about messing up
• Matt comes close to cursing/ruining the show
  
• you hear a song we meant to play later on in the show too early

3:10- practice saying "What Erica Woke Up with in Her Head this Morning"
3:12- play "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin
3:14- Erica's beak is developing nicely
3:16- play "Rooftops (The Liberation's Broadcast)" by Lostprophets
3:19- OK NOT MUCH ACTUALLY HAPPENS AT 3:19 THURSDAY MORNING SORRY
3:20- play "Shine On" by Needtobreathe
3:21- Matt starts to cry for no reason, accepts Erica's donation of new eyes
3:22- Erica says "IF I CAN'T WIN YOUR HEART BACK I'LL JUST STEAL IT OUT OF YOUR CHEST
3:23- more body problems: Erica's assymetrical collarbone bothers her
3:24- Erica discusses her Germanic-depressive episode
3:26- people keep passing by the door and freaking us the fuck out
3:27- thoughts about playing the whole of Ferris Bueller's Day Off for a show
3:28- play "Damn Regrets" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
3:30- Erica molts, gross
3:31- play "Existentialism on Prom Night" by Straylight Run
3:34- Erica finishes reading the live blog so far, Matt doesn't have the energy to post about reading about posting about talking
3:35- play "Brat Pack" by The Rocket Summer (Matt actually loves this song)
3:36- Matt and Erica can actually sing along with the same song, which is a first
3:37- realize that we have a lot more time than usual and decide to add in a song on the fly
3:39- play three sound effects, come up with story about children cheering about exploding clowns
3:40- Erica perpetuates myths about Matt
3:41- mention Richard "Douchebag" Dawkins
3:42- play added song: "I'm a Ghost" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
3:44- Erica lays an egg (what could be inside?)
3:46- Matt falsettos and no one hears him
3:47- play "Jump" by Simple Plan
3:48- Oh no! There's a spill! But who will save us? Where's the janitor?!
3:49- Who's that mystery man? It's... It's... SUPER JANITOR (his cape is made out of coffee filters)
3:50- Super Janitor is kind of a dick
3:51- play "Stay Young" by We the Kings
3:52- turn down the lights, hot hot action or something
3:53- Erica forgets she's supposed to win Matt's heart back
3:54- Erica apologizes, the wedding is back on, hooray
3:55- end the show with "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance
3:57- the egg hatches into an "R"
3:58- "R" + "egret" = Regret!
3:59- bird of regret flies away
4:00- we're done!

SHOW #5 DOIN' IT LIVE!

Featured band All time Low says, "Don't worry. Bee happy."

Theme: Bands I've seen live and singing songs about forgetting your problems and living for the moment. All the while Matt will liveblog and I'll make up Zombie Haiku on air. (Zombie Haiku= related because they are alive again)

Why you should listen: First of all, why not? Second, because I said so. Third, it will make you dance and not want to go to sleep.

Also, due to global warming, the sun's rays aren't hitting your lovely faces as much, thus triggering beginning stages of SAD** So be happy: you're alive.

-Erica

**based on false scientific information Erica just made up

NIGHTMARE TIME #4

A list of things in this picture:

1. Mediocrity vaguely shaped like a man
2. Three competing goatees
3. A real-life photo negative
4. Skinglasses
5. Smash Mouth, somehow combined, churned and pasteurized
6. The year 1998 personified
7. Guy Fieri, Food Network personality
8. The only reason we need to join this

-Matt

ZOMBIE HAIKU- ORIGINAL PIECES (OF GUTS) #2

You Can Run

I see you fleeing
Out of my one dangling eye
I'm coming for you

It might take some time
because my leg is broken
My left foot dragging


Held Captive

The living dead rise
Wreak havoc in the basement
Hand cuffed to a pipe

Reach out to grab you
Break away, rather easy
Hand lays on the floor

(Two extra haiku from a dude I know named Matt)

Being A Zombie Is Neat

Uuuurrrrgh braaaaains mroaaaah eeaaat braaaains

Seriously though, brains, man

I like to eat brains

Whoa, Social Commentary

YouTube favorites

Mac vs. PC funny

Urban Outfitters

-Erica

AW SHIT

From PoopReport.com:

Why do dogs eat poop and we can't?...
And why do dogs like poop dose it tast good?...And why dose my horse like to sniff her poop?...And dose any body eat poop and live?

Someone named Brooklyn_Tootie_Misty_chica_Summer_Ginger_ (we'll call her "BTMcSG" or "Brook-tootie") had the courage to ask these questions, yet they remain unanswered... that is, UNTIL NOW:

1. Q: Why do dogs eat poop and we can't?

A: This is really two questions, and to understand the complex truths behind it, we have to split it in half. First, why do dogs eat poop? To find out, I went straight to the source and asked a few dogs why it is that they consume poop. Here are a few of their responses:

• "Woof."
• "Grugg."
• "Bowowow."
• "Arf arf arf! Arf arf arf!"
• [general yawning and lip-smacking]
• "Blurgle."

Several of them also linked me here, but their sentiments say more than science or logic ever could.

So, why can't we? Toots phrases her question carefully; it's not that we choose to not eat poop, but simply that we can't. And she's right to be upset by our circumstance. After all, if dogs can do it, so can we. We can walk on all fours, we can play fetch, we can lie around naked for ten years and die in the back of a pick-up truck, so why can't we eat poop? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it'll become clearer as we find the answers to more questions.

2. Q: Why do dogs like poop—does it taste good?

A: Not being able to answer this myself, I consulted the next best resource: Yahoo Answers.

Does Poop taste as bad as it smells?
k , here's the story, me an my friends were talken about this the other day, an none of us have really tried poo, and I know not one German,

<3george

The winning answer was from a guy named Lupe, who writes "George, you silly goose, the answer is 'right' at 'HOME', just ask around, and you'll find the answer." Obviously, Lupe misunderstands George H on a basic level: George H is not a goose and therefore can not eat his own poop. Though GH writes, Real-World-confessional-style, about Lupe, "He is so intelligent an smart, very witty too an hilarious, he would make some hot women really happy some day :D," the two are obviously operating on different poopy planes.

What George H knows intrinsically is that only a German can give him the answer, a German like this one:

That's Jürgen Burkhardt, the 2007 First Place winner in the Sideburns Freestyle category of the World Beard and Moustache Championships. That kind of man would surely know if poop tastes good. And you can see the answer in his face—it's a look that says, "Yes. Yes, I do enjoy the taste of shit."

3. Q: Why does my horse like to sniff her poop?

A: Well, Tootsie_Flowers_spicy_Jinglebell_stripmall_Lolita_, let me pose a few questions to you in response. Why does your horse poop? Why does your horse sniff? Why do horses do anything?

Truthfully, people will never understand horses. Some people love horses, others love dog food and glue, but none of us really know how a horse works, or even what a horse is.

It is the shape of beauty and mystery. We will never be able to fully uncover the secrets of this enigmatic and majestic creature.

4. Q: Does anybody eat poop and live?

A: The answer is a resounding "YouTube."

Returning to the question of why "we can't," I'm starting to believe that maybe it's possible we can. If the world can accommodate men who can grow three-foot-long sideburns, obese horses, and text-to-speech music videos about someone named Goober, not to mention at least two morons genuinely concerned as to why people don't eat their own feces, then people can eat all the poop they want. In short, Yes We Can.

-Matt

PS- Seriously, though, I'm happy about these odds.

ZOMBIE HAIKU- ORIGINAL PIECES (OF GUTS)

I was bored in Speech class today so I wrote some zombie Haiku.

Brain Stew

Brain stew, pie of eyes;

Walking slow to dinner time.

I am a Zombie.

Livin' End

Tattered clothing on,

Woke up at the break of dawn,

Stumble down the street.

Torn out, broken hearts.

I notice I'm missing parts.

I am dead-alive.

-Erica

NIGHTMARE TIME #3

[via]

This is an X-ray picture taken of a guy who was holding a home-made firecracker when it exploded in his hand.

How far away was he from the hospital? How did he get there? Did he have to wait in the waiting room and fill out paperwork? I mean, the tip of his middle finger looks like it's literally dangling by a thread. I can't help but imagine the two split halves of his hand slapping against each other like a mouth.

-Matt

NIGHTMARE TIME #2

I am scared of ladybugs. I had a nightmare that ladybugs infested my bed. It was like an episode of Goosebumps. I don't care if they they kill poisonous insects. They crunch when you kill them. That's enough.

-Erica

POST-SHOW #4

Our fourth show, "Video Games," just wrapped up and we're all feeling a little beaten, sob, sob. In case you missed it, here's what we played:

1. actual Super Mario Bros. gameplay sounds
2. "The Pirate Ship" from Donkey Kong Country 2
3. "Pollyanna (I Believe in You)" from Earthbound
4. the opening theme from Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon
5. "Invincible Song" from Sonic Adventure
6. "Katamari on the Rocks (Main Theme)" from Katamari Damacy
7. "I Need You" by Relient K ("What Did Erica Wake Up with in Her Head this Morning?" segment)
8. "DAN DON FUGA" from We Love Katamari
9. "Let's Go Away!" from Daytona
   
10. "Pleasure of Tension" from Snatcher
    
11. "Snake Eater" from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
    
12. "The Best is Yet to Come" from Metal Gear Solid
    
13. "The Concept of Love" from Jet Set Radio Future
    
14. "Your Rain" from Silent Hill 4
15. the theme from Ghostbusters (secret unlocked song)
    
16. "Helix Nebula" by Anamanaguchi
    
17. "Birdo" by HORSE the Band
    
18. "Dota" by Basshunter
    
19. "He Poos Clouds" by Final Fantasy
    
20. "No Sex for Ben" by the Rapture
21. "Victory Theme" from the Final Fantasy series
22. "Zelda's Lullaby" from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

(If you'd like a copy of the music, feel free to contact Matt)

This morning's show also probably broke the record for the most covers of the Super Mario Bros. theme played in succession over the radio, with eight different versions played on the following instruments:

• eleven-stringed bass
• flute
• organ (during a church service, no less)
• ocarina (a nod to Zelda)
• cell phone
• bottles
• hands
• a ruler

Of course, if you're craving even more Mario, there's always the theremin or Tesla coil.

Now, video game-related goodies:

• sixty-five things that look like Pac-Man
• The Legend of Zelda: a Link to the Past dance
• Tetris-shaped ice cube trays
• The Accidental Video Game Porn Archive

Metal Gear Solid IV, with thumbs:


If you're too hip and esoteric for all this, check out the video for Grizzly Bear's Deep Sea Diver, which is inspired by the futile and arbitrary nature of life and death in old arcade games.

Thanks for listening and reading and don't be afraid to leave a comment and give us some feedback on the most recent shows or any of the past shows, and make sure to check under the tag "Video Games" in the future for more stories of pixelated nostalgia.

Most important, we'd like to thank Caitlin Malcuit for her phenomenal work as a guest host. You're better at this than we are and you're welcome back any time.

WE'RE DOIN' IT LIVE

We are live blogging. Video games are fun. Boy howdy.

-Erica

SHOW #4

This week's theme is video games! As always, you can listen to us live from 2:00 to 4:00 AM at wecb.emerson.edu. We'll return for a post-show wrap-up and summary, WITH LINKS (but no Zeldas). Stay tuned!

NIGHTMARE TIME #1

Today we were talking about Joseph Merrick, better known as the Elephant Man, and I brought up Grace McDaniels, the woman on the right of this photo. You can read her full story here.

Usually old photographs are kind of creepy because the subjects are dead, but this one has a little extra punch to it, don't you think? It kind of looks like she's crying, too.

What's also of note is that her teeth were spiny, black, and misaligned. I wonder what her breath smelled like.

-Matt

HEY COOL ANOTHER BLOG YOU GUYS

Only three weeks after its inception, What's the MATTer with AmERICA has already grown a small, but unsightly blog! (Please don't bring it up in front of her, you know how radio shows get.) For our friends who can't bear to stay up into hobo-haunting (or hunting) hours, there is now this convenient blemish on the face of the Internet. We'll be writing about the show mostly, but the real beauty of a blog is that it's pointless and self-absorbed, so you'll probably get a lot more of this. Hopefully, we won't get too link-happy and post any arbitrary picture we find, but then maybe you're into that kind of thing. Post a comment or let us know so we can get down to the nasty.

-WtMwA

PS- I hope this doesn't end up here.